Driving into a White Christmas

When I left Savannah on Christmas, it was raining-- which meant it was snowing in Greensboro. Sometimes the south looses its mind when it snows. It just doesn't snow enough for people to prepare for snow. South Carolina doesn't know how to repair the potholes in their roads so clearing the roads of snow is out of the question. Luckily, it didn't start snowing until I got to North Carolina. There are pretty much only three machines in use clearing the highways in the entire state which means there is usually only one lane that is cleared.

I don't know how to drive in the snow so I was pleased that there were a total of five people on the highway. The last time I drove in snow, I probably shouldn't have in retrospect. It was legit dangerous (Miranda, you could have died).

As I drove up to Greensboro, the roads started to look more and more like a post-apocalyptic landscape right out of a Stephen King novel. There were practically no people on the road. Because of the newly fallen snow, however, you could see the tire tracks of cars that just careened off the road. There were other cars that were just abandoned on the side of the road, slowly being covered in snow.

Otherwise-- its a lot of fun to drive in a winter wonderland (if you ignore the minor horrors mentioned above). Everything looks beautiful. Also-- it looks as if you are constantly in hyperdrive-- which is pretty great.

This is what it looks like to drive in snow. I took this picture

last time I took the Millennium Falcon out for a spin.

Now it is New Year's Eve. I can't wait for 2010 to go away so we can all start talking crap about it.

I plan on updating "Something More Fantastical" more often. There are a bunch of comics and drawings that I have been working on and want to start including on posts. Basically, I want "Something More Fantastical" to be more fantastical... starting tomorrow.

Ways to inspire and motivate your employees

"When you are unhappy, is anything more maddening than to be told you should be contented with your lot?"

-Kathleen Norris

I work at a coffee shop. It shall remain nameless-- but its a typical coffee shop. Nothing special.

Negotiations began at 5:45am. I presented my reasoned arguments to my boss.

My boss said that he could probably give me some time around New Years off-- which would be great if I wanted to celebrate Christmas when everyone else had moved on to another holiday.

Negotiations ended at 5:47am. I probably wasn't going to go home for christmas. No one came in the store for two hours so I was left alone... up front... listening to Christmas music for two hours on the overhead.

Thanks, Boss.

Things that are AWESOME part 1

The show Community is amazing.

Community has been silently delivering one of the best seasons ever. I say silently because in terms of ratings, it usually trails behind its NBC comedy brethren.

The episodes have had been pretty fantastical lately. Community takes place at Greendale Community College where no one's life has quite turned out how they expected. Rather than generate jokes that are exclusively sarcastic or deprecating -- the writers have expanded the narrative to incorporate more fantastical story-lines. Writers have worked in shoot-outs, secret gardens, a modern day space-race, and a zombie apocalypse (set to the music of ABBA, of course) and they are nailing it!

Now the holiday episode is nigh and Community rises to the challenge with: an entire episode using stop animation (à la the Rankin/Bass holiday cartoons)! Observe!

AMAZING!

~----~

More "Community" clips

--"the funnier side of chloroforming someone ("my whole brain is crying")

--Pretty much any time Troy and Abed rap-- it's comedic gold (see the "Anthropology rap" they do with Betty White or the original "Spanish Rap" that won the hearts and minds of millions).

In Contempt of Court

I had to go to Troy NC yesterday for court because of a speeding ticket I got about a month ago. The cop came out of nowhere. Not because he was hidden or cleverly concealed-- but because I was going so friggin fast.

In North Carolina, going over 15 mph is considered a misdemeanor and you have to show up in court. Instead of getting a lawyer, I decided to gamble everything on the judge falling in love with me and dropping all charges (full story: I waited until the last minute and the lawyer wouldn't take my money).

Anyway, Troy is a tiny town off of US-220 and all of its streets are tiny and all of its buildings are tiny. Its courthouse, however, is a hulking monolithic structure that looks like every condemned insane asylum in every TV show ever.

I learned rather quickly that Troy is bloated with criminals because the parking lot was full. Cars were parked along the sides of the road and some one had started the trend of parking on the nearby patches of grass outside the parking lot. So where do you think I parked? If you guessed the graveyard-- then you are correct. Not the graveyard parking lot-- the graveyard. I parked on Mr. Martin.

I sat in the back. In the pew ahead of me, someone had gouged the star of david into the wood with the words "F#%k u blood." To the left of me was another star of david with several little pitchforks around it. I looked around and took in the folk around me. These were not my people.

I suppose court should be a time for reflection but I'm pretty sure that people just sink into a self-righteous funk where the only thought in your head is "at least I'm not as bad as them." Its not a particularly enlightened mindset but it couldn't be helped. All I could do was look around me and think "Well at least it wasn't a DUI" or "at least it isn't my second DUI" or "at least it isn't my second DUI and I'm on meth."

There were a lot of DUIs.

(Also a lot of meth addicts).

Everything dragged on. I wasn't surprised per se because I imagined it would take some time to hear the cases (there were at least 100+ cases). It was the sheer amount of time dedicated to NOT hearing cases that blew my mind. One hour was dedicated to roll call. One hour was just lawyers (as far as I can tell) milling about. Then we had a 15 minute recess which, of course, lasted an hour.

When I was finally called up-- it was in a group. The judge was going to do a lightning round of justice. On my way up to the bar, I fixed my hair and dolled myself up. Here was where the judge would fall madly in love with me. I was the first up. Before I had to face the judge, the DA pulled me aside and told me that they knocked it down to speeding 10 miles over (instead of 20).

Let me just say first off that I am grateful that they let me slide. But when you think about it-- I was speeding (to the best of my knowledge) 85 in a 65. Basically in order to reconcile the situation they have to forge a document that says I was going less than I was. I still did it. The court system just committed fraud in order to get me off the hook. I was tried for an imaginary crime.

I still think I was let off the hook because the judge had a crush on me.

Let me dream.

What were you THINKING?

Angela Merkel announced yesterday that "multiculturalism has... utterly failed" in Germany. As much as multiculturalism might have failed in Germany-- its probably working out a lot better than their attempt at a monocultural society.

If I am honest with myself-- my chief complaint concerning Joe Miller is that he can't grow a beard. He has a weak chin that he tries to cover up with a beard that looks more like a way out of control five-o-clock shadow. It is pitiful. But Joe Miller doesn't want your pity-- he wants you to know he doesn't let the press mess with him. His security detail detained a reporter-- and by detained I mean handcuffed and detained by people who weren't police. Joe Miller really is the conservative choice for senate ... if by conservative you mean power-hungry control freak.

The unemployment crisis has been a major issue. You would think that the students of Columbia would have a leg up in these dire times. Apparently not because a memo was released this week reminding the students to bathe. So the unemployment isn't actually a problem for ivy leaguers-- its more an issue that no one wants to be in the same room with them because they are disgusting and tacky. Crisis solved!

Huffingtonpost.com is running a headline right now that reads "Conservative Ultra-Rich Plot Their Takeover." When have the ultra-rich not been in charge? Who are they taking their power back from? Way to look super naive Huffington Post. If this counts as an expose, then investigative journalism is officially dead.

Jimmy Fallon makes dreams come true

This is pretty freaking funny...

Everyone you love is dead or crazy, Homegirl!

Silent films are crazy. German films are crazy. The fusion of the two together is almost too much.

Almost.

"The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari" (Das Cabinet des Dr. Caligari) is actually pretty brilliant. Once you embrace the over-the-top and the awesomely dramatic-- you realize it is a pretty amazing film.

It opens, ideally enough, with two men sitting on a park bench shooting the breeze about what else-- ghosts. One man admits that "spirits surround us on every side... they have driven me from hearth and home, from wife and child!" Without missing a beat-- his friend tells him, "That is NOTHING-- listen to THIS!"

There is nothing worse than your friend constantly one-upping you... except maybe being haunted by ghosts.

The camera fades in on Narrator (Francis)'s hometown which is quaint and idyllic aaaaaand a terrifying post-impressionist painting. All the buildings and streets are uneven and geometrically unsettling and everyone is cranky because they are forced to sit in wildly uncomfortable post-impressionistic furniture.

Narrator (Francis) is actually pretty boring. What is awesome is Dr. Caligari and how amazingly sinister he looks. Dr. Caligari rocks every "bad-guy" motif there is. He is like the Penguin, Ebenezer Scrooge, and Voldemort rolled into one. And just in case you weren't quite catching on to how awesomely evil he is-- every time he comes into frame, the creepy music from LOST starts playing.

Look at how evil I am!

Back to narrator (Francis) for a cheerful interlude before everything goes to hell. Narrator (Francis) and his friend encounter Jane. It is awkward. Narrator (Francis) then cheerfully (and rather bluntly) announces "We both love her, but no matter how she chooses, let us remain friends." Awww... "Bros before hos" is alive and well in Germany. You think to yourself for a moment that this could have been an adorable little german sitcom-- a goofy "Three's A Company"... except for the murder.

My world is a geometric hellscape! Living in a post-impressionist painting blows : (

Some citizen is murdered in his little post-impressionist home with (and I quote) a "strange pointed object."

Ummm... do Germans not know what knives are?

Back to the dastardly Dr. Calgari who now has an exhibit at the fair: "Cesare, the Somnambulist!" Apparently, Cesare has been sleeping for his entire life but whatevs 'cos he can also tell the future!

As long as that future involves your death and Cesare murdering you.

(The fortunes are kind of fixed in that way.)

Cesare then tells Narrator (Francis)'s friend his fortune. Narrator friend dies and Narrator (Francis) undergoes a very intense german grief-- throwing himself onto every piece of post-impressionist furniture he has.

In a seemingly irrelevant scene, Jane's father is missing. Where does she look for clues? The fair! Who does she enlist to help her find them? The police? Narrator (Francis)? Nope. She goes straight to the fair and asks a carny. Naturally. (Homegirl is not too bright).

The carny is Dr. Caligari! (Homegirl is going to die)!

The next scene is Jane asleep in her post-impressionist bed and Cesare is coming to kill her with a strange pointed object (a knife). Overcome by her beauty and innocence-- he is unable to kill her and kidnaps her instead. Cue chase scene over post impressionist roofs and through post impressionist fields (because EVERY German movie has a chase/ mob scene).

I kidnapped her because it is true love!

After a hearty chase, Cesare dies of a fall and Jane becomes irrelevant again.

Narrator (Francis) and his band of police men (who follow him for some reason) renew their determination to capture Caligari! (This is after they let Caligari escape... because they are busy looking at a mannequin... Caligari just walks away. Seriously). Narrator (Francis) chases the carny to the insane asylum.

It seems to be a dead end until they find Caligari's black magic books describing in detail the possibility of binding a somnambulist to your will and getting him to do horrid deeds that he would not otherwise do.

They then read his diary, which begins sinisterly enough: "Dear Diary..." It's nice to see that Caligari introduces murder using the same gripping narrative teenage girls do. He ends up admitting that he has bound a somnambulist to his will and made him do horrid deeds that he would not otherwise do.

Enter Caligari.

Surrounded by his peers who now know about his horrid crimes-- Caligari attempts to escape by choking everyone who stands in his way. Now-- I know that he is crazy, but I'm just saying-- if you want to escape from a room-- individual stranglings are probably the worst way to go.

He is sent to a post-impressionist hospital room for the rest of his days.

So now we have learned-- "Things not to do in an insane asylum: act insane."

---

There is a twist at the end of the film that makes the story much more awesome. None of this M. Night Shyamalan nonsense-- it is a genuine twist and you see why this movie is in the pantheon of classic horror movies. This movie is where Tim Burton, Alfred Hitchcock, and Romero got their inspiration.

The entire movie is here (sadly without the artistic title cards) but if you want a quick taste of the style the movie was shot in, Rob Zombie also did a music video that was completely inspired by "Dr. Caligari."

SO, in summation, German silent film is crazy... crazy awesome.

see more Failbook

The best godmother ever....

Despite my documented distrust of infants, I was super excited to go down to see my Goddaughter (Godkid) and her mama (Ani).

Ani was my roomate in high school and pretty much my only link my Armenian heritage.

Any Armenian (or anyone who has ever seen an Armenian) is pretty much in disbelief once they hear that part of my heritage is Armenian. I don't look Armenian at all and truth be told-- I'm not a really good Armenian. The only Armenian word I know is "bread" (lavash?) so between me and my dad-- we can beg for scraps at any Armenian table because the only word *he* knows is "meat."

Luckily Armenians are a benevolent people and always go out of their way to feed me. It is also lucky that Armenian food is freaking good. I can eat my weight in lamb and boereg.

Mmmm....food.

I got distracted.

The Godkid.

Yes.

This is Mia. She likes colors, food, sleeping, and when I flail my limbs in an amusing fashion. I think we could get along.

Mia is only 3 months- so she didn't have much use for "Auntie Jenny." We pretty much just sized each other up during my visit. I like her-- but I think Mia is a little skeptical of me. Unless I am being used as a pillow, Mia really only likes it when I am dancing around and basically act as if I'm drowning on land.

What a sweetheart-head.

This picture was taken too early in the morning for my taste.

Even Mia seems confused that she is awake. She said I made a good pillow, though.

It is sooooooo ordered!

Lord. This entry has been languishing on my computer for days now.

BAM!
California struck down Prop 8 and two landmark battles for gay rights are heading towards the Supreme Court. Awesome.

Prop 8 was deemed unconstitutional and a violation of gay people's rights. In the final ruling, it was decided that "moral disapproval alone is an improper basis on which to deny rights to gay men and lesbians (135)."

For a legal document- there are some pretty powerful and moving statements. My favorite, however, is below (the phrase in italics is my favorite part): "The evidence shows, however, that Proposition 8 played on a fear that exposure to homosexuality would turn children into homosexuals and that parents should dread having children that are not heterosexual. ff 79; PX0099 Video, Its Already Happened (mother's expression of horror upon realizing her daughter now knows she can marry a princess).

Let's be serious for a second. No matter what your views-- I think we are overestimating children's resolve. There isn't a high level of "stick-to-it"-ness involved in children's plans or dreams. If parents are really that distraught over an idea that a child has... probably wait two days for them to change their mind.

Dad: Lisa is gay now?

Mom: [not looking up from her book] She wants to marry a princess.

Dad: A princess?! So she's a monarchist too?!

Mom: [still reading] Don't worry about it Stan.

Dad: Well how does she expect to become a spy once the government discovers she is a tory?

Mom: She doesn't want to be a spy anymore. She wants to be an astronaut.

Dad: An astronaut?!?

Mom: I think it is nice.

Dad: That girl needs some sort of game plan for her future.

Mom: She is six.

Dad: [seemingly resigned to his daughters astronaut/princess fate] Where is Mark?

Mom: He is out in the back playing Rambo

Dad: [looks out the window] When did he become such a merciless killing machine?

Photo tribute to Prop 8 being struck down

"you are making Ellen sad"

Photo Credit: Steve Griffin (via huffingtonpost.com)

Design by Shepard Fairey

Hang in there Margaret!

There is a site online called "I Write Like" where you type a bit of your own writing in, and an algorithm analyzes your writing and says which famous author you most write like.

I write like
J. K. Rowling

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

BOOYA!

Yeah-- I was delighted.

The site has gone viral, however, and everybody is doing it-- even famous authors themselves. The authors, however, have been horrified with the results for the most part. Someone put the text in from Mel Gibson's racist/sexist/generally horrible human being rant in and the algorithm decided it was most like Margaret Atwood. MARGARET ATWOOD! The woman who wrote "The Handmaiden's Tale" and said "A voice is a human gift; it should be cherished and used, to utter fully human speech as possible. Powerless and silence go together." THAT was the author that most resembled Mel Gibson's "You're a f*cking mentally deprived idiot." How charming.

So basically, I'm pretty sure Margaret Atwood is on suicide watch until the month is up. Poor dear.

Allons-y!

I'm in Savannah after the longest car ride EVER. It might have been my fault as I did not load up the CD player with tubular new tunes. I had to rekindle my love for Lady Gaga (specifically "Bad Romance" as that is the only song of hers I have right now) and really make it work. Also, there were some pretty successful Aerosmith jams... but apart from that it was dreadful.

There are a couple things I have to do in Savannah and then it is back to Greensboro to start a new job, apply to the Americorp job, and study for the GRE.

Blah.

Video of the Week

Let it go this too shall pass

These videos make me proud to be African-American

Admittedly, I know very little about the World Cup-- but I can't help but be fascinated with it. It is the one event in this world that brings every nation together.

The commercials for it are amazing. The Super Bowl gets a lot of hype for their commercials, but they are just kitschy and completely consumer based (and, this year, pretty awful) . World Cup commercials strive for a little more. And, yes, I understand they are still commercials and thus, in some way, still selling something. I appreciate them, though, because they don't sacrifice creativity while doing it. They are inspiring, creative, and capture the excitement attached to these games.

"Wavin' Flag" is probably my favorite commercial so far. According to YouTube, this video has been watched 226,106 times at the time of this post. 36 of those views were me. They used this song in a charity compliation for Haiti. The song is truly beautiful.

Pepsi drafted Akon to be part of their commercial. "Oh, Africa" is a fun little commercial. It even makes me think Akon is redeemable as a performer.

Oh... and click here if you want to see Snoop Dogg with a light-saber. It is an old Adidas World Cup commercial that uses the classic Star Wars "Cantina scene." [credit to Graham for the find]

I just applied to what I think is the coolest school ever. It required that I send a resume and a letter of interest. The letter of interest will be what gets me an interview because my resume looks bleak and sad.

The letter of interest was honest-- but at the same time I felt like propriety was holding me back from what I really wanted to say. Basically I wanted to write them a torrid love letter explaining how much I love progressive education.

I think of this school as most children think of Hogwarts.

Before I applied, I stalked them on Wikipedia and apparently they have offered courses such as: History of the English Language, Art of Tibetan Religion and Culture, Messianic Archetypes in Film and Literature, Glassblowing, and ARCHERY. Seriously-- ARCHERY!

I would work at this school for free.

There have been several schools that I have applied to this year. Applying to all of these schools this year was awesome, though in that I found myself really excited for all of the jobs. After traveling abroad for three months-- I found myself wanting to share my experiences with everyone and not just through pictures (although my pictures are freaking awesome).

So... I'm probably going to go back to school.

Revolutionary Idea: Play outdoors this summer

The summer line-up movies looks overwhelmingly bleak. Summer movies aren't known for their deep plots nor do they rely on heavy symbolism-- but the basic assumption is that they will be entertaining.

How hard is it to crank out mindless popcorn flicks?

Apparently really hard.

Hollywood just bought the rights to make a Magic 8 ball movie.

Seriously.

I am either going to become a screenwriter or buy up the rights to useless things like Hello Kitty or Polly Pockets and wait for Hollywood to write movies about them.

___

SUMMER MOVIES

Don't Even Bother...

- Shrek Forever After ~ That is enough, Mike Myers.

- Probably anything in 3-d ~ When will this trend end?

Reliable popcorn flick...

- Salt ~ This movie is getting way too much press because 1) The part was originally written for a male but now a lady is playing the role (GASP!) and 2) The public has an unreasonable obsession with Angelina Jolie. While the plot isn't especially imaginative (1 part "Mission Impossible", 1 part "Bourne" Trilogy) it looks like it could be a good movie.

- Robin Hood ~ Russell Crowe is a pretty reliable action star and this movie looks pretty awesome. Let's just hope that Russell Crowe and Cate Blanchett isn't as awkward on screen as it sounds on paper.

- Toy Story 3 ~ Let me first admit my bias for Pixar. I love them and I really think they can do no wrong (let me also say that I have never seen "Cars"... so this statement can still pretty much stand unchallenged). This one of the few franchises where sequels don't automatically make me gag. I don't know whether it is because it is the magical touch of Pixar or that the characters are endearing--

What the Hell...?

- Macgruber ~ I doubt there are any secrets here. This isn't going to be a breakaway hit or a cult-classic. It is an SNL movie that you will see once and forget ("Ladies Man"? "Superstar"?...) the only thing you will remember will be a handful of quotes and then it will go straight to the bargain bin.

- A-Team ~ This might be a good movie... but it looks like it could be so much better.

Movies That Will Probably Be Awesome...

- Iron Man 2 ~ Everyone says that the trailer for this looks mind-meltingly awesome. The only problem is that for every time the trailer airs-- ten other ridiculous cross-promotional commercials air. This is a grim foreshadowing of a movie that will be rife with product placement. The good news is Robert Downey Jr. has rocked at bringing Tony Stark to the screen. I hope this movie, more than any other this summer, lives up to its potential.

- Get Him To The Greek ~ This is the quasi-sequel to "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" (one of the funniest movies of our time- seriously). Judging from the trailer, seeing "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" isn't necessary. "Greek" won't be as endearing as "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" (because it is lacking the amazing Jason Segal) and I doubt the humor will be as varied as "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" (again-- because it is lacking the amazing Jason Segal) but it will be funny. The Aldous Snow character is hilarious.

- Ramona and Beezus ~ Holy Crap! This looks amazing.

- Scot Pilgrim versus the World ~ This movie is based on a comic book... and my life.

GASP-- She said Whaaaaaa?

- Knight and Day ~ Tom Cruise playing a high-strung crazy person? Have the past eight years been one giant method study? If one can get over their hatred for Tom Cruise... I think there is a possibility they will like this movie. I myself am still debating. Hating him is so comfortable--like a warm blanket. I don't know if I am ready to give that up yet...

- Babies ~ Yeah, I said it! Despite my documented disdain for infants- this movie is adorable. It documents the life of four different babies living wildly different lives on different corners of the planet. I watched the trailer couldn't deal with the adorableness ("Awwww look at the babies... they think they're people!).

- Killers ~ Friendships have been lost because of my support for this film but I remain firm: this movie is going to be good. It looks to be in the same vein as "Romancing the Stone." Killers is going to be funny and ridiculous. DEAL WITH IT!

Frankenstein: A Cultural History by Susan Tyler Hitchcock is probably one of the best books out there right now. I admit a complete bias, though, in that I think the novel Frankenstein is perhaps one of the best books ever written (and the fact that it was written by a lady makes it even better-- BOOYA establishment!).

Anyway-- I'll probably gush about the book at a later date. It has so many awesome quotes and amazing observations.

For now, I just want to share with you a random quote. It is a blurb I found on a theater flyer in the book advertising a play based on the novel Frankenstein:

"In every age of the world woman's curiosity has been equalled by man's presumption, and one of the most astonishing events produced by the latter quality is related in Germany, that native country of every thing non- natural."

Seriously-- how many insults are nestled in that one tiny paragraph?

Songs for You

But the Days and Nights are Long ~ by Cheryl Wheeler

Ain't No Grave ~ Crooked Still

Lightweight ~ Jen & Abby

The Devil's Paintbrush Road ~ The Wailin' Jennys

The Littlest Birds ~ The Be Good Tanyas

Home To You ~ Po' Girl

Hark! A Vagrant! by Kate Beaton

These comics are hysterical. Most of them have a slightly historical bent but all of them are funny. History is important... but people are silly.

Time Lincoln by Anarctic Press

Yes. That is Lincoln punching Stalin. In this comic, Lincoln goes through time writing wrongs and sucker-punching villains. Lincoln is assisted by Ben Franklin, Newton, Carver, and Einstein and together they right wrongs. Politics are awesome again!

The other comics wouldn't load properly (they were always teeny tiny) but you should also check out A Softer World, Girls With Slingshots, and Wonderella.

Ring the alarm!

My clothes smell as if I have just escaped from a fire. The laundromat around the corner has free drying and I made full use of that luxury. I put the clothes in for forty minutes which is apparently only seconds away from when clothes burst into flames. I smelled smoke from across the laundromat and fully expected to see a fireball gleefully tumbling where my clothes used to be.

Glee Promo

GLEE!!!

March sucks. April can't come soon enough.

Glen Beck thinks puppies are a nazi plot

This really isn't any sort of political blog and really never will be (plus-- I am pretty aware that I am the only one in the family who has an Obama sticker on my car) but I am pretty sure that everyone is united in their hatred for Glenn Beck.

His latest plea to the people is for them to leave churches that preach social justice (i.e. feeding the hungry and helping the poor) because it is a communist/nazi plot.

Umm...what?

All a church is once you remove social justice is a place to have potlucks.

This man is insane. He doesn't even have the adorable folksy charm that Sarah Palin has (She stands in direct opposition of everything that I believe in-- and yet I am fascinated! ). So when an opportunity to make Glenn Beck cry came around-- I SIEZED IT!:

Essentially I just blew Oprah's Book Club out of the water

You guys! I have found the best book ever!

The first great thing about it is that you don't have to be embarrassed if you are caught reading it. While other people are reading some maudlin tale Oprah told them to go buy-- you are reading an awesome book about people who smote their enemies in extremely awesome and intimidating ways.

The book is BADASS by Ben Thompson and it is awesome.

Ben Thompson needs to start writing more books immediately. BADASS is not only pretty historically accurate-- its hysterical.

Even his bio blurb is awesome: "even though he's never flown a jetpack over the Atlantic Ocean or punched someone so hard that his head exploded, he is considered by many to be the world's foremost expert on badassitude."

It is also awesome because the book celebrates the oft forgotten "female badass." When history actually bothers to remember the ladies- it loves to paint them as meek and helpless. LAME. Women are awesome and equally capable of badassery.

Favorite line so far? "The League of Armed Pussies was destroyed, the city of Copenhagen was captured, and the king decided to make Nelson a Viscount of Ass-Kickery."*

*NOTE: The language in the book isn't exactly PG. Its as if a really well-informed kid with tourettes is trying to tell you about awesome people he learned about in history-- while in the throes of a massive sugar high.

Tourette

Do Tell....

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Obama is within stalking distance

Obama is coming to Savannah today.

Why am I instead watching movies in my pajamas?

Because his events are by invitation only.

I turned North Carolina blue, Obama! Single-handedly.

You're welcome.

I'm going to assume my invitation got lost in the mail....

Party, eh!

The Women's Canadian hockey team won 2-0 against the US on Thursday. Instead of experiencing the glorious high that undoubtedly comes with winning an Olympic medal, the women are instead under investigation by the International Olympic Committee.

The women drank beer and champagne on the ice rink and there are even rumors that one player tried to commandeer the zamboni for the party.



They shouldn't be under investigation-- they should get another first place medal for the BEST PARTY EVER!

Way to fail IOC.

Suddenly I realize
That if I stepped out of my body I would break
Into blossom
"A Blessing" ~ by James Wright

Old Timey Bloopers

54 DAYS UNTIL GLEE

Quakers, REPRESENT!

Max Carter is a contributor for The Washington Post and Newsweek. There is an online forum that discusses topics of the day. The panel is made up of religious experts such as Karen Armstrong, Desmond Tutu, and Rick Warren.

Max was one of my professors at Guilford and despite only knowing him for a relatively short time, was a huge influence on me.

GO MAX!

Music Post

People have mixed feelings about Valentine's Day. For some it is a nice dependable day where you can spend time with a loved one. Others spend it in a car with a discount bag of chocolate and their therapist (i.e. Taylor Swift). Some people might hate Valentine's Day but everyone likes music.

Some of the lists iTunes had for Valentine's Day songs were lame-- so I compiled my own.

The guidelines for the list were
1) Only one song per artist (any doubles that should have made the list became "Runners Up")
2) Songs have to be about love in some way. No break-up songs.
3) All songs have to be awesome

*NOTE* The artist listed is not necissarily the original-- just the artist I prefer performing the song

A Case Of You ~ Joni Mitchell

Ain't No Mountain High Enough ~ Marvin Gaye

Ain't No Sunshine ~ Rockapella

A Kiss To Build A Dream On ~ Louis Armstrong

All You Need Is Love ~ The Beatles

And So It Goes ~ Billy Joel

As Is ~ Ani DiFranco

As Long As Your Mine ~ Wicked(musical)

At Last ~ Etta James

Be My Angel ~ Mozzy Star

Can't Get You Out Of My Head ~ Kylie Minogue

Christmas TV ~ Slow Club

Come To My Window ~ Melissa Etheridge

Come What May ~ Moulin Rouge

Dude (I totally Miss You) ~ Tenacious D

Easy Silence ~ Dixie Chicks

Elaborate Lives ~ Aida (musical)

Everything You Want ~ Vertical Horizon

Five O'Clock World ~ The Vogues

Fly Me To The Moon ~ Frank Sinatra

Giving Up ~ Ingrid Michaelson

Glad All Over ~ The Dave Clark Five

God Only Knows ~ The Beach Boys

Happy Together ~ The Turtles

Haven't Met You Yet ~ Michael Bublé

Heaven ~ Brandi Carlile

Here (In Your Arms) ~ Hellogoodbye

How Can I Tell You ~ Cat Stevens

I Believe In A Thing Called Love ~ The Darkness

I Can't Take My Eye's Off Of You ~ Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons

I Hear A Symphony ~ The Supremes

If You Need A Reason ~ Mason Jennings

I Just Don't Think I'll Ever Get Over You ~ Colin Hay

In Spite Of Ourselves ~ John Prine & Iris DeMent

I Only Want To Be With You ~ Dusty Springfield

Is It a Crime? ~ Russ Columbo

I Want You ~ Tom Waits

I Want You To Want Me ~ Cheap Trick

I Will Keep The Bad Things From You ~ The Damnwells

I Will Love You ~ Fisher

Love Today ~ Mika

Mail Order Annie ~ Harry Chapin

My Life Would Suck Without You ~ Kelly
Clarkson

Need You Know ~ Lady Antelbellum

Nine Million Bicycles ~ Katie Melua

No One ~ Alicia Keys

Ocean Stone ~ Chris O'Brien

One Big Love ~ Patty Griffin

Sea and the Rhythm ~ Iron & Wine

Shooting Stars and Satellites ~ Death Cab For
Cutie

Someone To Watch Over Me ~ George
Gershwin

Somewhere Only We Know ~ Keane

Songbird ~ Eva Cassidy

Taking Chances ~ Celine Dion / Glee Cast

The More You Ruv Someone ~ Avenue Q

The Promise ~ Tracy Chapman

This Will Be (An Everlasting Love) ~ Natalie Cole

This Years Love ~ David Gray

Time After Time ~ Cyndi Lauper (and Sarah McLachlan)

Tired Of Being Alone ~ Al Green

To Love Somebody ~ Nina Simone

Unchained Melody ~ Righteous
Brothers

Unforgettable ~ Nat King Cole

What I Wouldn't Do ~ A Fine Frenzy

Winter Song ~ Sara Bareilles & Ingrid Michaelson

Wonderful Tonight ~ Eric Clapton

5 Years Time ~ Noah and the Whale


RUNNER-UP: For Once In My Life ~ Michael Bublé
RUNNER-UP: Baby I Can Hold You ~ Tracy Chapman
RUNNER-UP: Hour Follows Hour ~ Ani DiFranco
RUNNER-UP: Be Careful ~ Patty Griffin
RUNNER-UP: Near To You ~ A Fine Frenzy

Clearly there are songs on here that are better than others on the list-- but this is, without a doubt, the most awesomest and complete list of love songs EVER. I mean-- there is everything from "Dude (I totally Miss You)"-- an ode to the awesomeness of friendship to "The More You Ruv Someone" --a cheerful song about how sometimes the people you love are the people who are in the greatest need of a bitchslap ("the more you ruv someone/ the more you want to kill them").

CONCLUSION: This list is awesome. That is non-negotiable-- but if there are songs that need to be added to the list, you should include that in the comments section.

A Few Quick Notes

--Brandi Carlile just did a cover of "Heaven." Her version is amazing. As far as I know, it is only on iTunes on her album entitled "XOBC." Download it immediately.

--Captain America takes on the Tea Party. No apology necessary, Marvel.

--Stephen Colbert unveiled his own Olympic poster for the 2010 Olympics in Vancouver. The poster is designed by Shepard Fairey (the guy who created the Obama "Hope" poster). It is awesome and available for free download.

Are you ready for some football?

I am still sick but certainly feeling better. Dad is recovering from his surgery so right now half of the house is sick/enfeebled. Television is pretty much the only thing we can do as a family right now. That and snack. So Super Bowl is pretty much the best thing ever right now.

It's hard to get into the game, though. There is ten seconds of actual play and then a lot of walking around. Though it some of the most manly walking I have ever seen-- it is not really compelling television. Apparently, according to The Wall Street Journal, there are an average of 11 minutes where the ball is actually in play. Boring.

Some commercials from 2009...



Dear advertising executives: just as a general rule-- anytime you have a person joyfully riding a dolphin through the ocean, you are going to have a good ad.

and one from the past...

No one knew who or what outpost.com was then and I am pretty sure they are out of business now but this commercial is amazing. It is inappropriate on so many levels. Despite being ineffective in raising awareness for the company it deserves a high five for hilarity. (PS: If you like this-- go see the other commercial where they unleash wolves on a marching band).

Heal Yourself!

Ugh! I feel like chilly death. This virus/plague has left me physically weakened.

Sudaffed is dead to me. If I have to wait in line like a criminal then I should be entitled to a product that works.

As far as job search stuff goes, I am applying to seven schools. The job that I really hope I get is teaching humanities and two of the quaker schools I am applying to need a humanities teacher (Charlottesville, VA and San Francisco, CA).

There are also a couple jobs dealing with study abroad programs that I am also applying to.

Right now I am just trying to get letters of recommendation in order. Blah.

Promise to be more creative as soon as I don't feel miserable.

RAWR...Madrid....grumble grumble grumble

Greensboro is snowed in and doesn't have snow-fighting technology. My friends have graciously let me stay at their house. So, in order to combat cabin fever and snow madness-- I have resumed all of my old internet time-wasting activites.

National Geographic Puzzles
This is horrifyingly addictive.

Free Rice
I rediscovered this after years of neglect. I used to just think that they only quizzed you on vocabulary-- but you can quiz yourself on geography, chemical symbols, art, french, german, and spanish. You can also set the subject to "math" but I am not a LOSER.

wimp.com
Don't bother with YouTube, this has all of the best video's on it. It's good for anyone coming off a YouTube bender. There are only five new videos per day-- but they are all cool.

Dump.com
The best pictures EVER.

At the bottom of most all my applications is the statement that they won't: "discriminate in hiring on the basis or race, color, religion, sex, national origin, age, disability, sexual orientation, veteran status or status in any other group protected by federal, state or local law." I am not so much worried about any of that-- I am more worried that you will discriminate on the basis of my lack of experience.

I am just going to have to assault them with my charming personality.

..and develop a charming personality.

------
Invictus  

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

William Ernest Henley

------
How freaking amazing is that?!

I personally enjoy that the poem was both the inspiration for Mandela during his struggle to unite a country torn apart by apartheid-- and for me in my woeful job search.

The two struggles have endless similarities.

Except that they don't...

The Good Ol' Days...

People are up in arms about Sigourney Weaver's character smoking in the film 'Avatar.' Anti-smoking groups feel that movies that have characters who smoke should have their rating changed to reflect that (i.e. 'Avatar's' PG-13 rating would become an R rating). James Cameron has recently answered these ridiculous claims (in a statement much more graceful and measured than mine would ever be) but I don't think it should have even been an issue. If your kid is that influenced by what he sees on TV that he has to go out and immediately act out whatever the characters on screen are doing-- you have more problems than your kid just wanting to smoke.

Its not as if this commercial is still on air...



Go see 'Avatar.' If you come out absolutely craving a cigarette, I'll buy you your first pack... and mourn your inability to think critically.
---

NOTE: I'll be in Greensboro, NC for a while and I am WAAAAAY behind in my movie watching quota. I will probably be calling every night to see if anyone wants to go with me. CLEAR YOUR SCHEDULES!

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

So I just learned tonight that the noises I have been hearing across the marsh have not been from a construction crew-- they were BOMBS. Hunter Army Air Force is relatively close to us but I never put it together...

Anyway!

Just a couple of cool things you should know about in the glorious pointless world of pop culture:

1) DJ EARWORM ~ I love this guy. He has a lot of mash-ups at his site. The one that is really getting a lot of attention is his latest mash-up of all the hit songs of 2009 (called "Blame it on the Pop"). He has been doing this sort of thing for the past three years. You can download all of them for free at his website. Do it!




2) RICKY GERVAIS HOSTING THE GOLDEN GLOBES ~ Despite my massive love for pop culture, I think there are far too many award shows. Can't we love celebrieties without having to watch them fawn over themselves at these vapid ceremonies? I am psyched Ricky Gervais is hosting because I think he might be of the same mind.

"As I said at the Emmys, don't cry. It's just an award. Grow up. Don't thank your wife and kids. They did nothing towards that show. Don't thank your agent. They don't want to be thanked-- they want the money. If you have to thank too many people, you shouldn't be picking up the award because to be quite honest, it looks like you didn't do a lot. I want people to go: "No one to thank, did it all myself, you made the right decision, good night."

Nice.

Okay- this is the last one I will do. I PROMISE. These characters were always meant to be on stage together.

Featured Players: Dakota Fanning, Jenny, Mandy, Maya Angelou, and a Raptor.

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

The Mayans also predicted my rise to glory in 2010

You know what causes writer's block? The desire to be perfect and you shouldn't have that desire... because I have seen your work and you're certainly not

--Stephen J. Cannell

This quote was actually uttered in jest-- but I really liked it. Now that I am out of school and have already successfully conquered Europe, I have to go out and figure out what I want to do.

The Job Search makes me break out into a cold sweat. The idea of writing a resume makes me seriously consider a life of crime. Despite my parent's suspicions, I don't actually have an aversion to "work" (one can have a deep appreciation for sleep and want to have a career). I think it is more that going through school, my interests were so varied that it is kind of hard to visualize a specific application for everything that I have learned.

So I am going to try and shed my desire to be perfect and just go out and do stuff.

Desire?

BAM--Gone!

Take that, Buddha.

2010 is going to be great.