In Contempt of Court

I had to go to Troy NC yesterday for court because of a speeding ticket I got about a month ago. The cop came out of nowhere. Not because he was hidden or cleverly concealed-- but because I was going so friggin fast.

In North Carolina, going over 15 mph is considered a misdemeanor and you have to show up in court. Instead of getting a lawyer, I decided to gamble everything on the judge falling in love with me and dropping all charges (full story: I waited until the last minute and the lawyer wouldn't take my money).

Anyway, Troy is a tiny town off of US-220 and all of its streets are tiny and all of its buildings are tiny. Its courthouse, however, is a hulking monolithic structure that looks like every condemned insane asylum in every TV show ever.

I learned rather quickly that Troy is bloated with criminals because the parking lot was full. Cars were parked along the sides of the road and some one had started the trend of parking on the nearby patches of grass outside the parking lot. So where do you think I parked? If you guessed the graveyard-- then you are correct. Not the graveyard parking lot-- the graveyard. I parked on Mr. Martin.

I sat in the back. In the pew ahead of me, someone had gouged the star of david into the wood with the words "F#%k u blood." To the left of me was another star of david with several little pitchforks around it. I looked around and took in the folk around me. These were not my people.

I suppose court should be a time for reflection but I'm pretty sure that people just sink into a self-righteous funk where the only thought in your head is "at least I'm not as bad as them." Its not a particularly enlightened mindset but it couldn't be helped. All I could do was look around me and think "Well at least it wasn't a DUI" or "at least it isn't my second DUI" or "at least it isn't my second DUI and I'm on meth."

There were a lot of DUIs.

(Also a lot of meth addicts).

Everything dragged on. I wasn't surprised per se because I imagined it would take some time to hear the cases (there were at least 100+ cases). It was the sheer amount of time dedicated to NOT hearing cases that blew my mind. One hour was dedicated to roll call. One hour was just lawyers (as far as I can tell) milling about. Then we had a 15 minute recess which, of course, lasted an hour.

When I was finally called up-- it was in a group. The judge was going to do a lightning round of justice. On my way up to the bar, I fixed my hair and dolled myself up. Here was where the judge would fall madly in love with me. I was the first up. Before I had to face the judge, the DA pulled me aside and told me that they knocked it down to speeding 10 miles over (instead of 20).

Let me just say first off that I am grateful that they let me slide. But when you think about it-- I was speeding (to the best of my knowledge) 85 in a 65. Basically in order to reconcile the situation they have to forge a document that says I was going less than I was. I still did it. The court system just committed fraud in order to get me off the hook. I was tried for an imaginary crime.

I still think I was let off the hook because the judge had a crush on me.

Let me dream.