The Best Underrated Christmas Songs (the songs that aren't being played on repeat in shopping malls...)

Flavorwire posted "11 Criminally Underrated Songs." It is a pretty amazing list (the first two songs on this list come from there). This is my list of awesome songs. It is naturally better.

01) Everything Is One Big Christmas Tree ~ the Magnetic Fields [video]

- Best line: "Stop mumbling and cheer up/Put down the book, pick beer up." It is followed later by "If they don't like you, screw them." I love this song.

02) Pretty Paper ~ Willie Nelson [video]

- Bittersweet Christmas song that will put teardrops in your eyes.

03) Fairytale of New York ~ the Pogues [video]

- This song is amazing. If you need a hopeful bittersweet irish ballad for the holidays- this is your song.

04) Peace On Earth/Little Drummer Boy ~ Jack Black & Jason Segel [video]

- Bing Crosby and David Bowie did this duet originally. The link is to the Jack Black/ Jason Segel version because I love Jason Segel. Viscerally. Also- the beginning is better than the strange banter David Bowie and Bing Crosby had (Jason Segel: "I was just at home, making gingerbread, fretting about war and hatred...")

05) Christmas TV ~ Slow Club [video]

- Happy little hipster Christmas song. Its basically a song about wanting someone to cuddle. If you don't get all verklempt on "you pulled me out of the dark into the light"- the last part is both of them repeatedly asking their love to "just come on home"... to cuddle... for Christmas.

06) Christmas in Hollis ~ Run DMC [video]

- One of my friends said this only made the list because of my recent obsession with Run-DMC's "Tricky." They are not wrong (no apologies!).

07) A Christmas Together [Album] ~ John Denver & the Muppets

- Everything on this album is amazing. This CD might be enjoying a lot more playtime due to the "Muppet Movie" coming out- but it has been a Christmas staple in my house for years. I tend to gravitate to the more solemn songs (The Peace Carol,When the River Meets the Sea, Christmas Eve, 1913, and Christmas Wish) but there are nice festive songs too. *Bonus- Muppets singing "It's In Everyone of Us"

08) Much Worse Things To Believe In ~ Stephen Colbert & Elvis Costello

- It was between this song and "What's So Funny (About Peace, Love, and Understanding). Both have made their way into my Christmas playlist.

09) Winter Song ~ Sara Bareilles & Ingrid Michaelson [video]

-Alright, this might be being played on repeat in some places (I wouldn't know- I refuse to go shopping). Whatever. I like it.

10) Theme from "The Snowman"/ Walking in the Air ~ Howard Blake [video]

- Channels hemorrhage Christmas specials come December and most are just awful insipid tales of banality. This amazing (and beautiful) little short often gets forgotten. Is there a christmas tune more beautiful and haunting? I submit that there is not!

*Spiderman photo at the top is from Ty Templeton's ART LAND! I got it off his "Top 7 Homicidal Santa Comics." My second favorite one is the Iron Man one... (Ho-Ho-Homicide!)

"I am rage personified!"

I should have known. There were 472 reasons that should have prepared me for it. I should have known that an article ("New Crop of Comediennes Combine Funny Bones With Banging Bodies") written by Fox News about female comedians would leave me a sputtering puddle of rage.

As far as female comedians go, people consistently miss the mark. Every year, someone dredges up the archaic "are women funny?" question and people discuss it as if it were a valid question in the first place. It would be easy enough to just write it off as another whimsical attempt of Fox News to act like journalists but the truth is these kinds of articles appear in all sorts of publications. It isn't just Fox News.

Literally, every year, some publication writes some variation on the "are women funny" question. Another gem: "can pretty women be funny?" Or maybe an article that questions whether a female's insecurities hinder her from being great at comedy. Or why aren't there any female Richard Pryors?

This article managed to fuse all of these points together to create some sort of amazing supernova of idiocy which made me feel obligated to say something.

1) "Seth Rogen, Jonah Hill, and Ricky Gervais all lost their jiggles, but kept their giggles."

First off, that rhyme is insipid and awful. Whoever penned it should be stripped of their journalism degree and publicly shamed. I would say that it is nice that she didn't imply that those men became unfunny when they slimmed down (another ridiculous delusion some people have) but she follows it up with "but they're still not what one would call exactly sexy." Jeez. Way to twist the knife.

2) "Some of our favorite "old-skool" sitcom stars like Jennifer Aniston, Jane Krakowski, and Julie Louis-Dreyfus have transformed themselves in recent years from somewhat awkward to stylish sex symbols."

I just want to say, that I didn't mispell "old-skool." That is exactly how the author of the article spelled it. Perhaps I was premature in assuming she had a journalism degree.

Anyway- the above statement is false. Jennifer Aniston was never awkward. None of these ladies were ever awkward. So there was no "transformation" to speak of. They were always gorgeous.

Even if there were some glorious transformation that took place. This article kind of implies that their becoming "stylish sex symbols" somehow affected (read: enhanced) their comedic performance. These ladies have consistently delivered hilarious performances. Aniston had "Friends" and rocked films like "Office Space", "Bruce Almighty", and "Horrible Bosses." Julie Louis-Dreyfus made a name for herself on "Seinfeld" but has continued to deliever on "New Adventures of Old Christine." Even her guest spots on "Curb Your Enthusiasm" and "30 Rock" have been hilarious. Jane Krakowski is still amazing on "30 Rock" but everyone knew she was hilarious back when she was on "Ally McBeal."

All of these careers reach back more than 10 years. Always beautiful. Always funny.

Two. Separate. Thoughts.

3) "For women, frump isn't funny any longer. The new female comedian has to be the sexual aggressor, sexually provocative, dominant and successful."

This gem is a quote from Patrick Wanis. He is simply billed as an entertainment expert.

Women comedians have never really aspired to be frumpy. If there was a generic formula for funny- looking unsexy was never part of it.

It's more that women are consistently portrayed as frumpy. It isn't as if before this "glorious renaissance of female comedy" women aspired to be shrews (or dowdy or insecure or blah blah blah). Those were simply the parts everyone wrote for them.

People are going bananas over Melissa McCarthy right now. Melissa McCarthy is hilarious and has been hilarious ("Gilmore Girls", "Samantha Who","Mike and Molly").

Her success, however, has little to do with what she looks like. The reason she is enjoying the spotlight right now is that someone recognized that she is hilarious and wrote a part for her that showcased her talent.

4) Wanis also says funny women who aren't all that sexy may struggle in the new comedy landscape. "Rosie O'Donnell and Janeane Garofalo will be relegated to playing the female versions of Chris Farley."

Are. You. Serious?

They aren't struggling because they aren't funny. They are struggling because there are "experts" like Wanis who don't write parts for them or don't think they can carry a movie.

The truth is there are many people like Melissa McCarthy just waiting to be discovered.

Also- the idea that O'Donnell and Garafolo will be "relegated to playing the female versions of Chris Farley" is a ridiculous statement.

First off, how dare you, David Wanis. I hope Janeane Garofalo cuts you.

Second- don't make them sound like naive/green comics that just stumbled onto the scene. Garofalo and O'Donnell have been around (working and doing stand-up) for years. Show some respect.

Third, Chris Farley was a leading man in several movies so the comparison is ridiculous. You are just name-calling now.

__

I should have expected that Fox News couldn't possibly write a good analysis on female comedians. But, again, I also want to reiterate that there are a lot of (mainstream!) publications that consider articles like these to be a valid argument.

Women can be funny.

It's just a fact.

Ugh. That was exhausting.

__

*This entry was kind of serious... so here is a funny link to take the edge off.

Is Funny Sexy? (15 second video clip with Tina Fey and Kay Cannon)

What in the hell?

I went on Facebook yesterday and it presented me with a link that said "On this day in 2010." When I clicked on it- it took me the conversation posted below.

What was I doing on this day in 2010?

Kermit the Frog says dreamers are better than hipsters

It has been such a ridiculous time since my last post (which I just realized, Blogger didn't even post. Thanks, Blogger).

So, while I rewrite my nerd manifesto, here is a musical collection of awesome things to keep you occupied throughout your day.

The Muppets: The Green Album

Listen to 'The Green Album' for free on NPR. The album is really pretty great. Not only can you listen to some of your favorite Muppets songs-- the bands that cover the songs are great (Weezer, OK Go, Andrew Bird).

Mika's new Single ~ "Elle Me Dit"

Listen to this song immediately (scroll to the bottom of the page). It will fill you with joy all day long! The song is in french (not gibberish as I initially thought) and despite my inability to directly translate this song-- it isn't hard to connect with the utter joy that oozes from this little ditty. The only line that I do understand(ish?) is "Danse Danse Danse/ Elle Me Dit Danse" (Dance, Dance, Dance/ She said to Dance) and that is a sentiment I can get behind.

Smithsonian Player

The Smithsonian has an exhaustive collection of folk music that you can listen to for free. It isn't just "American" folk music-- you can listen to music from the Comanche, the Chinese, the Irish. Basically you can listen to all the folks' music.

Nerd Manifesto

RANDOM POST: Owl had it coming!

I don't actually hate everything. I do, however, love this picture. It is kind of perfect.

Ways to have a pretty awesome day:

1) Eat about 3,000 calories in under two hours

2) Regret nothing

"The sun is a mass of incandescent gas..."

There is only one thing that is awesome in this entry-- but it is plenty awesome on its own.

It is a video of a comet crashing into the sun and the fiery inferno that happens afterwards. Click on the link and watch it 43 times like I did.

Some scientists are quick to point out that that might not actually be what happened. It hasn't been 100% proven and we shouldn't jump to conclusions until we figure out (using science) what happened. These people are assholes. Something exploded into the sun. That is four different kinds of awesome. Stop attacking my sense of wonder!

Bears, Raves, and Ghosts!

I went to a "bear rave" last night... so I can cross that off my experience list.

John (my spectacular gay companion) somehow managed to coax me into a night on the town. I am really lazy so it was nothing short of miraculous that he not only managed to convince me to go out --but to go to Raleigh.

How did this happen?

He lured me with food.

Also... he's a bit bossy.

The Borough is a great little restaurant in Raleigh. Plus they have a drink called the "Schmitty Schnapps" which is made with gin and "the concentrated essence of rainbows, unicorns, and sarcasm." Amazing, right?

So next up was the "Bear Rave." I didn't quite know what to expect but I was psyched that there were free glow sticks at the door. Inside was an incredibly low-key rave. The music was pretty rave-y (I guess), but everyone seemed pretty content to talk to each other. I didn't think there were conversations at raves. Especially conversations about bicycling and gluten-free diets.

Since we were going to a gay (man) bar, I figured it would be an incredibly low pressure situation for me. I did not anticipate that the patrons would be so incredibly disdainful of my presence.

Chill out, guys. I am here to drink and play Pac-Man. Quit starin' at me and get back to your sedate rave.

John was welcomed into the pack and easily made conversation. It was a matter of minutes before he had scouted out an even better club. I gave him until the end of my Pac-Man game to get the guys number so he could meet up with him later.

"Will that be enough time?"

Whatever, John. I am awesome at Pac-Man. How dare you underestimate my skills.

The next club did not have a Pac-Man machine but was a decidedly larger club. When we got there at 12:07, there was one person dancing on the dance floor. I recoiled at her indifference to the awkwardness she was radiating into the room. Who dances alone in a club? Losers.

The patio was like a super-queer garden of earthly delights. There was a fountain in the center and all around were gay guys, gay ladies, drag queens, and a smattering of bisexuals. You know what there was surpassingly few of? Hipsters. It was incredibly refreshing. It was also hot as hades outside.

I went back inside to the air-condition (my true love) and it was like walking in to a different club. Apparently, 12:45 is the witching hour for Raleigh gays. In the mere minutes I was on the patio, the club had exploded into joyous dancing and celebration. That poor sad (dedicated!) dancer was now hidden in a gleeful throng of queers. It was fun but I why must the gays start partying so late?! I'll never break into the gay scene if things don't get going until 1am. Jeez!

There is a second drag show at 1am which was amazing.

People seem to have varied opinions on drag queens. My feelings are: drag queens are awesome because they 1) Call me sweetheart and 2) Are always taller than me and therefore give awesome hugs. Also, there isn't a single song that can't be enhanced somehow by having a drag queen dance to it. One danced to "Let the Rain Fall Down" by Hilary Duff. That song would have never entered my mind as a possible song to do a drag show to -- but this lady did. Because drag queens are visionaries.

My favorite performer did a bunch of high-kicks and cartwheels which, given the situation, was a bold addition to the choreography.

Despite being exhausted at the end of the night, we continued to gay it up on the way back to Greensboro with a "Wicked" sing-a-long.

Seriously.

I wouldn't be surprised if there wasn't a rainbow exploding from the back of our car.

It was a good night.

God, I hope my grandparents still read this blog.

Review of Gaga's "Born This Way"

I received a lot of feedback for my last pop-culture post (not true) and I wanted to review this album because it is all I have been listening to on the way to open-mics/Harris Teeter (totally true).

I love this album.

Born This Way

First song to be leaked and it was fun. The "media" could not help but point out that the song was exactly the same as Madonna's "Express Yourself." They did this over and over and over. It isn't the same thing. The only way these songs are similar is that they are incredibly gay and have a nice little beat that you can dance to.

Also the music video was crazy cakes! In the first thirty seconds, a unicorn appears and Lady Gaga steps on to the scene playing some sort of alien mother who lives in an star colony shaped like ovaries. I don't know what happens next because there are some artistic kaleidoscopic scenes of earth mothers giving birth to good and evil... like literal birth.

I blotted out the next minute.

Giving birth is the grossest miracle.

But this song is awesome-sauce!

Marry The Night

Lady Gaga is over gay marriage- she is going to marry the Night.

Government Hooker

So gloriously bizarre. The song is punctuated by what sounds like Arnold Schwarzenegger saying things like "back and up and turn around" and "hands on the ground." Creepy! I'm glad this song could debut around the same his scandal went public. Now E! News has the perfect song to put in the background of this really important news story.

Judas

The first of many songs on this album whose sole purpose seem to be to confound the Church. (Fun Fact: "Judas" is the good redneck from "The Walking Dead.")

Americano

YES! I fell in instant love with this song. Gaga falls in love with a beautiful (I imagine) spanish lady. They love each other but can't understand one another. It doesn't matter because (spoiler alert) they die in the end.

I love songs where someone dies in the end it is fantastically dramatic- and before you judge me remember "Dark Lady"and "Delilah" and Johnny Cash who shot a man just to watch him die.

Gaga was even taunting her persecutors at the end. "Don't you try and catch me/Nyaa nyaa nyaa."

BANG!

Hair

I have been waiting impatiently for an awesome song about liberation as symbolized through hair styles. This might be surprising to people who know that I wear my hair in a ponytail EVERY SINGLE DAY- but it is true.

If Gaga hadn't made this song, Willow Smith would be the only one to have a fun "hair" song.

I am tired of Mouseketeers determining what is cool in pop culture.

Scheisse

"I don't speak German but I can if you'd like (YOWWW!)"

Faux-german was never so fun to sing along to!

Bloody Mary

My favorite part about this song is how casually (almost as if she is bored) she says that Jesus told her to dance.

Black Jesus + Amen Fashion

I like the chorus because it reminds me of a Bowie song but otherwise... no. I am done with all the blind praise that New York City gets. It is not the best city on earth. I will concede it is one of the best cities- but that is all. (Rant over)

Bad Kids

This is Hot Topic angst at its best.

Fashion of His Love

SOMEONE MASH THIS SONG UP WITH "I WANNA DANCE WITH SOMEBODY" IMMEDIATELY. I would love to listen to that awesome super-song all the time.

This song is awesome... as long as you ignore the first three lines of the song: "I never was the kind of girl who is naturally sure...I was insecure. INSECURE!"

We get it, Gaga.

By the way- if you haven't clicked on "I Wanna Dance with Somebody" link- do yourself and click on it. It is one of my dreams to re-create this whole music video with me playing all of the parts. Favorite part: when she is shaking the crap out of that one guy who won't dance with her "DON'T YOU WANT TO DANCE/ SAY YOU WANT TO DANCE."

Highway Unicorn (Road to Love)

Not only is this song called "Highway Unicorn" (awesome) it is the perfect song to howl along to in the privacy of your own car. Also there is a line: "Run run with the fury of a saint in her eyes." Lovely- only I never hear that. When I am singing along its "Run run with the fury of a St. Bernard."

I stand by my version.

Also- I don't know why I was looking for logic in a song called "Highway Unicorn", but even I am confused with "she's got a rainbow syrup in her heart that she bleeds." That sounds terrifying. I think that is how one of the children in "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" is eliminated.

Heavy Metal Lover

This song is dirrrrty. I love it.

Electric Chapel

Taunting horribly conservative religious institutions is supposed to be fun and subversive- but this song is kind of boring.

The Queen

This song is great... wait-- did you just say "Rumble Bumple?"

(Yes, she did)

You and I

A nice little country song about queer love.

Edge of Glory

I think everyone has heard this one too. In the music video, every time she says she is on the edge-- she points to the black man playing saxophone. Why?

Photo of the day

Julie Andrews and Carol Burnett being super best friends

from the greatest tumblr on earth: Awesome People Hanging Out Together

Oh... well that is new

ROB ZOMBIE WANTS YOU TO SORT YOUR COLORS

Rob Zombie is famous for being a little scary. The movies he has directed include "House of 1000 Corpses" and "Devil's Rejects" which are not feel-good movies (unless you feel good about inbred cannibals and murder). While he is well known for making pretty hardcore music, he has also done some pretty awesome/creative music videos to go along with his music. He is fairly prolific. Rob Zombie just released his latest project: a commercial for Woolite detergent. SERIOUSLY! I want this to continue this trend of people promoting things indiscriminately: Britney Spears for 'the Rosetta Stone' or Dora the Explorer doing an ad for birth control.

I FOUND A MAKE-UP SPECIALIST!

This kid has been posting how-to videos for a while and she is clearly the most brilliant make-up artist in the land (by the way- this is the look I am going to rock next time I do an open-mic). I am going to have to study up on child labor laws if I want this kid in my employ- but I think it would be worth it. The kid has got skills!

AWARDS ARE MEANINGLESS. IF YOU AGREE- YOU SHOULD GIVE THESE PEOPLE AN AWARD!

The Onion, a satirical newspaper, is lobbying for the Pulitzer Prize. The link at the end of the video goes to "Americans for Fairness in Awarding Journalism Prizes." People like Tom Hanks and Arianna Huffington have videos out voicing their support and I think it is great. My relationship with journalists is tense. While I think they (some of them) provide an invaluable service, I also support anything that undermines their smug sense of superiority.

I have awesome friends...

Jenny posted toMandy

MANDY!!! SOMETHING IS HAPPENING!

J.K. Rowling Is Up To Something

www.buzzfeed.com

J.K. Rowling Is Up To Something: Something is afoot at Hogwarts. The winds of change are coming in six days, but what will they bring? UPDATE: Twitter and Facebook and map coordinates, oh my! ..

17 hours ago · · · Share · See Friendship

• Diesel and Mary like this.
• • 

    Mandy I guess she succumbed and is writing either sequels or prequels to HP. That didn't take long.

    13 hours ago ·
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    Jenny I am going to stop telling you awesome things if your responses keep being so cheerless and pragmatic.

    12 hours ago ·
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    Mandy Disney taught me that sequels ruin everything, and that prequels destroy the magic.

    12 hours ago ·
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    Jenny That was so wonderfully dark. I didn't realize your relationship with Disney movies had damaged you so badly.

    12 hours ago · · 1 person
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    MandyURSULA WAS IMPALED BY A SHIP PROW. How do you walk away from that with a positive outlook?!

    12 hours ago ·
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    Jenny 1) That wasn't a sequel OR a prequel AND 2) She was evil and unlawfully seized control of the sea kingdom. Her reign would have been corrupt and she would have ruled through fear.

    12 hours ago ·
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    Mandy SHIP PROW.

    12 hours ago ·
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    Jenny She was the Osama Bin Laden of the sea! HE didn't want mermaids to marry their true love either!

    12 hours ago · · 1 person
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    Mandy Clearly she was bad news and a highly unorthodox gardener, but my point is that if you condone ONE woman being ship-prowed to death, one day you will turn around and find yourself facing a ship prow with your name on it.

    12 hours ago ·
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    Jenny She was 100 feet tall at the time! When you are a giant you should KNOW that your natural enemy is a ship prow (and lightning). I *wish* the only enemy I had was a ship prow. Watch me doggy-paddle to the shore, ship prow. Maybe next time, ship prow. SUCK ON THIS MATCH, SHIP PROW.

    12 hours ago ·
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    Jenny What I am saying is that if you are human and your heart is pure- you need not fear the ship prow.

    12 hours ago ·
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    Mandy I'm getting you a ship prow for your birthday. We'll see who wins this battle, Chopblock.

    11 hours ago · · 1 person