Review of Gaga's "Born This Way"

I received a lot of feedback for my last pop-culture post (not true) and I wanted to review this album because it is all I have been listening to on the way to open-mics/Harris Teeter (totally true).

I love this album.

Born This Way

First song to be leaked and it was fun. The "media" could not help but point out that the song was exactly the same as Madonna's "Express Yourself." They did this over and over and over. It isn't the same thing. The only way these songs are similar is that they are incredibly gay and have a nice little beat that you can dance to.

Also the music video was crazy cakes! In the first thirty seconds, a unicorn appears and Lady Gaga steps on to the scene playing some sort of alien mother who lives in an star colony shaped like ovaries. I don't know what happens next because there are some artistic kaleidoscopic scenes of earth mothers giving birth to good and evil... like literal birth.

I blotted out the next minute.

Giving birth is the grossest miracle.

But this song is awesome-sauce!

Marry The Night

Lady Gaga is over gay marriage- she is going to marry the Night.

Government Hooker

So gloriously bizarre. The song is punctuated by what sounds like Arnold Schwarzenegger saying things like "back and up and turn around" and "hands on the ground." Creepy! I'm glad this song could debut around the same his scandal went public. Now E! News has the perfect song to put in the background of this really important news story.

Judas

The first of many songs on this album whose sole purpose seem to be to confound the Church. (Fun Fact: "Judas" is the good redneck from "The Walking Dead.")

Americano

YES! I fell in instant love with this song. Gaga falls in love with a beautiful (I imagine) spanish lady. They love each other but can't understand one another. It doesn't matter because (spoiler alert) they die in the end.

I love songs where someone dies in the end it is fantastically dramatic- and before you judge me remember "Dark Lady"and "Delilah" and Johnny Cash who shot a man just to watch him die.

Gaga was even taunting her persecutors at the end. "Don't you try and catch me/Nyaa nyaa nyaa."

BANG!

Hair

I have been waiting impatiently for an awesome song about liberation as symbolized through hair styles. This might be surprising to people who know that I wear my hair in a ponytail EVERY SINGLE DAY- but it is true.

If Gaga hadn't made this song, Willow Smith would be the only one to have a fun "hair" song.

I am tired of Mouseketeers determining what is cool in pop culture.

Scheisse

"I don't speak German but I can if you'd like (YOWWW!)"

Faux-german was never so fun to sing along to!

Bloody Mary

My favorite part about this song is how casually (almost as if she is bored) she says that Jesus told her to dance.

Black Jesus + Amen Fashion

I like the chorus because it reminds me of a Bowie song but otherwise... no. I am done with all the blind praise that New York City gets. It is not the best city on earth. I will concede it is one of the best cities- but that is all. (Rant over)

Bad Kids

This is Hot Topic angst at its best.

Fashion of His Love

SOMEONE MASH THIS SONG UP WITH "I WANNA DANCE WITH SOMEBODY" IMMEDIATELY. I would love to listen to that awesome super-song all the time.

This song is awesome... as long as you ignore the first three lines of the song: "I never was the kind of girl who is naturally sure...I was insecure. INSECURE!"

We get it, Gaga.

By the way- if you haven't clicked on "I Wanna Dance with Somebody" link- do yourself and click on it. It is one of my dreams to re-create this whole music video with me playing all of the parts. Favorite part: when she is shaking the crap out of that one guy who won't dance with her "DON'T YOU WANT TO DANCE/ SAY YOU WANT TO DANCE."

Highway Unicorn (Road to Love)

Not only is this song called "Highway Unicorn" (awesome) it is the perfect song to howl along to in the privacy of your own car. Also there is a line: "Run run with the fury of a saint in her eyes." Lovely- only I never hear that. When I am singing along its "Run run with the fury of a St. Bernard."

I stand by my version.

Also- I don't know why I was looking for logic in a song called "Highway Unicorn", but even I am confused with "she's got a rainbow syrup in her heart that she bleeds." That sounds terrifying. I think that is how one of the children in "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" is eliminated.

Heavy Metal Lover

This song is dirrrrty. I love it.

Electric Chapel

Taunting horribly conservative religious institutions is supposed to be fun and subversive- but this song is kind of boring.

The Queen

This song is great... wait-- did you just say "Rumble Bumple?"

(Yes, she did)

You and I

A nice little country song about queer love.

Edge of Glory

I think everyone has heard this one too. In the music video, every time she says she is on the edge-- she points to the black man playing saxophone. Why?