A Call To Action!

Citizens of the world!! / the four people that read this blog.

I am calling for a temporary ban on portmanteaus!

(I know. This blog is so edgy!)

A portmanteau is a combination of two words to create a new word (ex. smog is a portmanteau of smoke and fog).

Portmanteaus can be awesome.

It has produced some ace words: brunch, cyborg, camcorder, and bootylicious.

Do you remember that dark time before 2001 when you would struggle to find the words to describe a ladies ass? We owe Destiny's Child so much.

Did you know Sony is actually a portmanteau? It is a combination between the latin "sonus" (meaning sound) and "sonny" which is slang for 'youngster.'

See, that is interesting!

Lately, however, this most wondrous literary device has been grossly overused. In order to preserve the noble legacy of the portmanteau, I think it needs to be temporarily retired.

Brangelina

I think it began with this.

At some point, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie merged to become this super-entity that would henceforth dominate tabloids and haunt Jennifer Aniston's career forever.

For some reason, even though everyone knew who Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were, this union so captured the public eye that someone decided that it needed its own name. The two individuals were absorbed into a much more powerful megabeing and "Brangelina" was spawned.

This insipid naming trend eventually lead to "Tomkat" (Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes) which just sounds stupid. "Tomkat" sounds like the name of a lesser known Thundercat. More than that, the name fails to capture the swirling crazy of this relationship.

The fad got better for a second when "Hunger Games" fans decided that Katniss and Peeta's couple name was Peeniss...

Ha ha.

Penis.

Bromance

Can this word die in a fire?

Dramedy

I think this word is misleading. Inevitably, it isn't a comedy at all. It is sad and there are some funny lines of dialogue.

There needs to be a new name for it.

Like, "Wes Anderson films."

Recession Slang

The amount of words that news outlets have invented (for no reason) is dizzying.

I know that when a huge snow storm is coming, throwing up "SNOWPOCALYPSE" on the screen is provocative (and more fun for the graphics department)- but is it necessary? Not really.

And whatever your opinion on economics right now, I feel like we can all agree it is a mess. There is a LOT going on. Global issues, gender inequality, racial tensions, and workers rights are ALL issues that are tied up with what is going on with the economy.

So, when you shorthand a massively complicated issues to something like "mancession", I can't help but think you might be leaving some things out. Follow it up with a "he-covery" (or "she-covery", depending on who you talk to) and I just want to push you off a cliff.

Remember "staycation?" If you can't afford a vacation this year, you could always take a "staycation!" So even if you are having to scrimp a little you can take a local trip! Or if you don't have a job-- just stay home!!

Ease the humiliation of unemployment with a "staycation." See- these troubling times aren't as bad as you think! With all these crazy perks, you hardly notice the widening gap between rich and poor.

And lastly, "funemployment" which is when you are unemployed and aren't trying to find a job. Not having a job isn't humiliating or degrading or depressing-- IT'S A PERMANENT WEEKEND! In some cases your amazing hedonistic lifestyle is being funded by government handouts and unemployment checks.

I can't fathom how creating a word that is a sideways way of calling people freeloading bums could lead to anger and resentment.

And I'm NOT saying that people who take advantage of the system don't exist.

Using that word to describe individual people (like your dead-beat roommate or any of the Kardashians) would be appropriate and descriptive.

When you use it in a news-cast or an article- it becomes a generalization. It blurs the lines and it makes it seem like a trend.

And sure- people who cheat the system and freeload are jerks.

But there are a LOT of unemployed people who are demoralized by not having a job and might resent you lumping them in with those freeloading jerks.

The portmanteau has become reductive.

I know portmanteaus are catchy and awesome and with so much information everywhere all the time- buzzwords make certain stories stand-out. In the long run, however, it isn't helpful. Taking incredibly emotional and complex issues and cramming them into one word is not only unnecessarily reductive, it can be misleading.

The english language is insanely massive (and awesome). There are enough words to talk about what is going on in a more frank and honest way.

So stop devaluing the portmanteau!

That is all.

(I think this movement is really going to catch on. What do you think?)