That being said- this year gave us an exceptional batch of psychos vying for that coveted office. Let us remember fondly, the republican candidates of 2012: Rick Perry, Rick Santorum, Michelle Bachmann, and Newt Gingrich. These were candidates who casually suggested that we colonize the moon, who didn't know the legal voting age, and who wanted to ban contraception.
And let us never forget my favorite: Herman Cain. What a marvelous man. This is the man who quoted the oft-forgotten "poet" (Pokémon/Donna Summers) at a Republican debate. Cain could tell how manly you were by what pizza toppings you ordered. He argued that "knowing things" wasn't an essential qualification for President.
Herman Cain, you will be missed.
But ultimately Mitt Romney won the Republican nomination. But as the real race for the presidency begins, even his Romney supporters admit the man is off to a shaky start.
People running for office have to deal with an intense level of scrutiny. There are bound to be some gaffes/missteps. Romney, however, seems to be constantly striking out.
It would be one thing if his gaffes were the result of "gotcha journalism"or if he were tricked into ridiculous situations... but, alas...
Romney prefers to stage his blunders at his own painstakingly choreographed publicity events: a picnic with regular folk and an american flag in the foreground. Difficulty level: CHILD'S PLAY. Unfortunately, no one thought to remind him: "Don't insult the food people put in front of you-- especially when that food comes from a beloved local bakery." OY!
So, why is Romney is so insanely out of touch with reality?
I have thought about it and there are three explanations that I can think of to explain Mitt Romney.
1) MITT ROMNEY IS THE MONOPOLY MAN COME TO LIFE!
Remember when you would play (1/8th of) a Monopoly game and you'd start waving around $8,875 dollars around like it WEREN'T NO THANG? It was special sort of psychosis known as Monopoly madness. It didn't matter that the bills that you were holding were pink and blue- you were rich.
And you owned a railroad.
That is Mitt Romney's LIFE.
The man is rich.
Not just rich-- but, like, stupid rich.
Who else but Uncle Pennybags would consider $10,000 a gentleman's bet?
Why watch NASCAR when you can own a NASCAR team?
That is the point of the game, right?
So--yes, Mitt can seem a bit out of touch with normal mortal beings-- but that is just because he thinks we are all playing the same game.
So of COURSE student loans shouldn't be a problem. Massive debt can be solved by careful planning and saving.
I mean, COME ON-- they just GIVE you $200 every time you pass GO!
2) MITT ROMNEY IS A TIME TRAVELER
Not to determine where he was born-- but when!
(NOTE: He has already released his birth certificate but clearly it is okay to ignore that concrete factual information...)
When he begins sentences with "boy!" and "gosh!" it is adorable (you can't tell me otherwise)! But when Mitt Romney speaks, it sounds like dialogue lifted directly from "Leave It To Beaver."
While his old-timey vernacular would undoubtedly be a constant source of amusement for me, I can't help but think that if he was confronted with a legitimate military situation, he would probably propose that, "we engage them with some light cavalry."
"Tally-ho!"
3) MITT ROMNEY IS AN ALIEN
I don't mean an illegal immigrant.
I mean extra-terrestrial.
How else do you explain this clip?
He doesn't know what a DOUGHNUT is.
Really, Mitt? REALLY?
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