"I am rage personified!"

I should have known. There were 472 reasons that should have prepared me for it. I should have known that an article ("New Crop of Comediennes Combine Funny Bones With Banging Bodies") written by Fox News about female comedians would leave me a sputtering puddle of rage.

As far as female comedians go, people consistently miss the mark. Every year, someone dredges up the archaic "are women funny?" question and people discuss it as if it were a valid question in the first place. It would be easy enough to just write it off as another whimsical attempt of Fox News to act like journalists but the truth is these kinds of articles appear in all sorts of publications. It isn't just Fox News.

Literally, every year, some publication writes some variation on the "are women funny" question. Another gem: "can pretty women be funny?" Or maybe an article that questions whether a female's insecurities hinder her from being great at comedy. Or why aren't there any female Richard Pryors?

This article managed to fuse all of these points together to create some sort of amazing supernova of idiocy which made me feel obligated to say something.

1) "Seth Rogen, Jonah Hill, and Ricky Gervais all lost their jiggles, but kept their giggles."

First off, that rhyme is insipid and awful. Whoever penned it should be stripped of their journalism degree and publicly shamed. I would say that it is nice that she didn't imply that those men became unfunny when they slimmed down (another ridiculous delusion some people have) but she follows it up with "but they're still not what one would call exactly sexy." Jeez. Way to twist the knife.

2) "Some of our favorite "old-skool" sitcom stars like Jennifer Aniston, Jane Krakowski, and Julie Louis-Dreyfus have transformed themselves in recent years from somewhat awkward to stylish sex symbols."

I just want to say, that I didn't mispell "old-skool." That is exactly how the author of the article spelled it. Perhaps I was premature in assuming she had a journalism degree.

Anyway- the above statement is false. Jennifer Aniston was never awkward. None of these ladies were ever awkward. So there was no "transformation" to speak of. They were always gorgeous.

Even if there were some glorious transformation that took place. This article kind of implies that their becoming "stylish sex symbols" somehow affected (read: enhanced) their comedic performance. These ladies have consistently delivered hilarious performances. Aniston had "Friends" and rocked films like "Office Space", "Bruce Almighty", and "Horrible Bosses." Julie Louis-Dreyfus made a name for herself on "Seinfeld" but has continued to deliever on "New Adventures of Old Christine." Even her guest spots on "Curb Your Enthusiasm" and "30 Rock" have been hilarious. Jane Krakowski is still amazing on "30 Rock" but everyone knew she was hilarious back when she was on "Ally McBeal."

All of these careers reach back more than 10 years. Always beautiful. Always funny.

Two. Separate. Thoughts.

3) "For women, frump isn't funny any longer. The new female comedian has to be the sexual aggressor, sexually provocative, dominant and successful."

This gem is a quote from Patrick Wanis. He is simply billed as an entertainment expert.

Women comedians have never really aspired to be frumpy. If there was a generic formula for funny- looking unsexy was never part of it.

It's more that women are consistently portrayed as frumpy. It isn't as if before this "glorious renaissance of female comedy" women aspired to be shrews (or dowdy or insecure or blah blah blah). Those were simply the parts everyone wrote for them.

People are going bananas over Melissa McCarthy right now. Melissa McCarthy is hilarious and has been hilarious ("Gilmore Girls", "Samantha Who","Mike and Molly").

Her success, however, has little to do with what she looks like. The reason she is enjoying the spotlight right now is that someone recognized that she is hilarious and wrote a part for her that showcased her talent.

4) Wanis also says funny women who aren't all that sexy may struggle in the new comedy landscape. "Rosie O'Donnell and Janeane Garofalo will be relegated to playing the female versions of Chris Farley."

Are. You. Serious?

They aren't struggling because they aren't funny. They are struggling because there are "experts" like Wanis who don't write parts for them or don't think they can carry a movie.

The truth is there are many people like Melissa McCarthy just waiting to be discovered.

Also- the idea that O'Donnell and Garafolo will be "relegated to playing the female versions of Chris Farley" is a ridiculous statement.

First off, how dare you, David Wanis. I hope Janeane Garofalo cuts you.

Second- don't make them sound like naive/green comics that just stumbled onto the scene. Garofalo and O'Donnell have been around (working and doing stand-up) for years. Show some respect.

Third, Chris Farley was a leading man in several movies so the comparison is ridiculous. You are just name-calling now.

__

I should have expected that Fox News couldn't possibly write a good analysis on female comedians. But, again, I also want to reiterate that there are a lot of (mainstream!) publications that consider articles like these to be a valid argument.

Women can be funny.

It's just a fact.

Ugh. That was exhausting.

__

*This entry was kind of serious... so here is a funny link to take the edge off.

Is Funny Sexy? (15 second video clip with Tina Fey and Kay Cannon)

What in the hell?

I went on Facebook yesterday and it presented me with a link that said "On this day in 2010." When I clicked on it- it took me the conversation posted below.

What was I doing on this day in 2010?

Kermit the Frog says dreamers are better than hipsters

It has been such a ridiculous time since my last post (which I just realized, Blogger didn't even post. Thanks, Blogger).

So, while I rewrite my nerd manifesto, here is a musical collection of awesome things to keep you occupied throughout your day.

The Muppets: The Green Album

Listen to 'The Green Album' for free on NPR. The album is really pretty great. Not only can you listen to some of your favorite Muppets songs-- the bands that cover the songs are great (Weezer, OK Go, Andrew Bird).

Mika's new Single ~ "Elle Me Dit"

Listen to this song immediately (scroll to the bottom of the page). It will fill you with joy all day long! The song is in french (not gibberish as I initially thought) and despite my inability to directly translate this song-- it isn't hard to connect with the utter joy that oozes from this little ditty. The only line that I do understand(ish?) is "Danse Danse Danse/ Elle Me Dit Danse" (Dance, Dance, Dance/ She said to Dance) and that is a sentiment I can get behind.

Smithsonian Player

The Smithsonian has an exhaustive collection of folk music that you can listen to for free. It isn't just "American" folk music-- you can listen to music from the Comanche, the Chinese, the Irish. Basically you can listen to all the folks' music.

Nerd Manifesto

RANDOM POST: Owl had it coming!

I don't actually hate everything. I do, however, love this picture. It is kind of perfect.

Ways to have a pretty awesome day:

1) Eat about 3,000 calories in under two hours

2) Regret nothing

"The sun is a mass of incandescent gas..."

There is only one thing that is awesome in this entry-- but it is plenty awesome on its own.

It is a video of a comet crashing into the sun and the fiery inferno that happens afterwards. Click on the link and watch it 43 times like I did.

Some scientists are quick to point out that that might not actually be what happened. It hasn't been 100% proven and we shouldn't jump to conclusions until we figure out (using science) what happened. These people are assholes. Something exploded into the sun. That is four different kinds of awesome. Stop attacking my sense of wonder!

Bears, Raves, and Ghosts!

I went to a "bear rave" last night... so I can cross that off my experience list.

John (my spectacular gay companion) somehow managed to coax me into a night on the town. I am really lazy so it was nothing short of miraculous that he not only managed to convince me to go out --but to go to Raleigh.

How did this happen?

He lured me with food.

Also... he's a bit bossy.

The Borough is a great little restaurant in Raleigh. Plus they have a drink called the "Schmitty Schnapps" which is made with gin and "the concentrated essence of rainbows, unicorns, and sarcasm." Amazing, right?

So next up was the "Bear Rave." I didn't quite know what to expect but I was psyched that there were free glow sticks at the door. Inside was an incredibly low-key rave. The music was pretty rave-y (I guess), but everyone seemed pretty content to talk to each other. I didn't think there were conversations at raves. Especially conversations about bicycling and gluten-free diets.

Since we were going to a gay (man) bar, I figured it would be an incredibly low pressure situation for me. I did not anticipate that the patrons would be so incredibly disdainful of my presence.

Chill out, guys. I am here to drink and play Pac-Man. Quit starin' at me and get back to your sedate rave.

John was welcomed into the pack and easily made conversation. It was a matter of minutes before he had scouted out an even better club. I gave him until the end of my Pac-Man game to get the guys number so he could meet up with him later.

"Will that be enough time?"

Whatever, John. I am awesome at Pac-Man. How dare you underestimate my skills.

The next club did not have a Pac-Man machine but was a decidedly larger club. When we got there at 12:07, there was one person dancing on the dance floor. I recoiled at her indifference to the awkwardness she was radiating into the room. Who dances alone in a club? Losers.

The patio was like a super-queer garden of earthly delights. There was a fountain in the center and all around were gay guys, gay ladies, drag queens, and a smattering of bisexuals. You know what there was surpassingly few of? Hipsters. It was incredibly refreshing. It was also hot as hades outside.

I went back inside to the air-condition (my true love) and it was like walking in to a different club. Apparently, 12:45 is the witching hour for Raleigh gays. In the mere minutes I was on the patio, the club had exploded into joyous dancing and celebration. That poor sad (dedicated!) dancer was now hidden in a gleeful throng of queers. It was fun but I why must the gays start partying so late?! I'll never break into the gay scene if things don't get going until 1am. Jeez!

There is a second drag show at 1am which was amazing.

People seem to have varied opinions on drag queens. My feelings are: drag queens are awesome because they 1) Call me sweetheart and 2) Are always taller than me and therefore give awesome hugs. Also, there isn't a single song that can't be enhanced somehow by having a drag queen dance to it. One danced to "Let the Rain Fall Down" by Hilary Duff. That song would have never entered my mind as a possible song to do a drag show to -- but this lady did. Because drag queens are visionaries.

My favorite performer did a bunch of high-kicks and cartwheels which, given the situation, was a bold addition to the choreography.

Despite being exhausted at the end of the night, we continued to gay it up on the way back to Greensboro with a "Wicked" sing-a-long.

Seriously.

I wouldn't be surprised if there wasn't a rainbow exploding from the back of our car.

It was a good night.

God, I hope my grandparents still read this blog.