True Tales of Success (that sound like horrifying stories of failure)

I am exhausted.

So far, I have done stand-up comedy at two open mics here in North Carolina and I'm going to do another tonight. This is the first night where I don't have to drive an hour or more to get to the venue.

In order to prepare for success, I took the set that I had practiced and memorized the week before and threw it out.

So on the three hours car ride up to Asheville I memorized completely new material.

Asheville's hippie reputation is pretty well-known but I was unprepared for how hippie it was. The first people I saw after parking my car were three guys playing hacky sack in the parking lot. I planted myself at the bar and watched the Asheville hipsters mill about. There was an adorable chap who literally had a feather in his cap. Asheville, you are in a league of your own.

I sat by some great (older) guys who gave me some jokes that I could use.

I did not.

Maybe next time.

(Nope. I won't.)

When I finally got up to do my set, I clutched the microphone stand the entire time. My smart idea to look at my watch and gauge my time (so as not to go over) evaporated as soon as I got on stage. I timed the set when I was in the car and I nailed it each time. Five minutes exactly. My time at the mic could have very well been under one minute.

I'm pretty sure that I said words but I can't verify that. I blacked out and don't remember details. I pretty much just stared into the spotlight and blocked out everything.

People laughed, though.

It could have been pity but let me be clear-- that is fine with me. At first I debated whether I should say that this was my first time doing stand-up. Before I got up on stage, self-righteous Jenny decided "No. I won't say that-- because that would be pandering."

At the end of the set I was just like, "Screw it-- I am not above that."

Die a slow death, high-minded ideas.

Three hours later I arrived back at home. The above details the stress and nerves I experienced doing stand-up but it was really one of the best nights of my life.

My second set was in Chapel Hill. The goal for the previous night was to get through the set regardless of the audience's reaction and not cry (set achievable goals) and my goal for Chapel Hill was this time I was going to take the microphone out of the stand.

Like I said previously, in Asheville I clutched the mic stand the entire time. It is because I had (have) a fear of breaking the microphone. Either I can't navigate the mic out of the stand or the stand falls or just the whole thing bursts into flames.

For the record-- I totally did break the microphone.

True story.

As soon as I touched it, the chord dropped out of the mic (which was still firmly in the stand). So I had to take care of that mess before I started. It went well, though.

So, in summary, all of my dreams are coming true-- some of those dreams just happen to also be nightmares.