Herman Cain, I have some questions...

Holy crap, guys.

Why isn't everyone talking about this?

Herman Cain, former presidential nominee, maker of delicious pizzas, and alleged molester of women- strolled back into the public eye with this bizarre ad in support of small business.

The ad opens with a little girl holding a bunny. This solemn girl informs us that the bunny is a metaphor for small business.

Already prospects look grim for this rabbit.

Nothing good happens to rabbits. Ever.

This is doubly true for rabbits that are metaphors.

The best they can hope for is NOT being eaten by the zillions of animals that hunt them. The only rabbit who ever had a stroke of luck was the Easter Bunny.

Also, this girl is unreasonably grim. She looks like that child in horror movies that knows that freaky shit is up but doesn't warn anyone. They just draw pictures in the corner before casually dropping into the conversation that everyone in the house is going to die from being murdered by ghosts.

Anyway, the bunny is gently placed in a basket.

"This is small business under the current tax code," frowny-face girl tells us.

And then in a thrilling turn - the rabbit is flung out of the basket (like a skeet pull) and launched through the air. You barely have time to get used to the airborne (screaming) bunny before it explodes after being shot out of the air by a man with a rifle.

"ANY QUESTIONS?" solemn girl asks us.

Umm- yes, I have a LOT of questions

1) Why did you knowingly place your rabbit in a skeet pull?

2) What does that make YOU in the metaphor?

3) Why did J.J. Abrams just shoot that rabbit? (will I have to watch the rest of these crazy commercials in order to decode some larger message Herman Cain wants to tell us??)

4) Why are you yelling at me, little girl? I'm a adult and you are a murderer of rabbits! Adjust your tone!

While you are reeling from all of these unanswered questions- suddenly the commercial cuts to (what I suppose) is Herman Cain staring pensively into a terrible digital rendering of a canyon.

When Herman Cain was naturally asked, "What the hell, Herman?" (*paraphrase), Cain responded, "It was not a real rabbit."

Yes, because that is the issue with that commercial.

Not the fact that it is utterly insane and in-cohesive.

I get that he was trying to get people's attention.

In that arena he was utterly successful. I re-watched that ad so many times it was crazy.

After the tenth view- the ad takes on this lovely nihilistic quality. The rabbit became this existential everyman. I even became interested in the lone gunman. The man in the business suit with the rifle: was he meant to represent "big business" or the government? I like to think he was a metaphor for fate.

My thoughts on the girl never really changed.

She was creepy and a bit of a jerk.

But at NO point did I think, "this commercial makes me think Herman Cain might have a cohesive and insightful plan for our nations economy and future."

And even if he did- his inability to utilize the english language (without sounding insane) would prohibit him from ever letting us know what those ideas are.

(****that being said- I would still LOVE it if he insisted on presenting his ideas on economic stimulus through the art of interpretive dance... or by killing a bear with a hand grenade)

Enhance Your Day by a MILLION

I have a blog purely dedicated to comedy.

You should follow it!

You might say to yourself, "but, Jenny-- you barely update this blog? Why another blog."

ASTUTE OBSERVATION, reader.

1) In terms of updating this blog-- I'M WORKING ON IT. Despite the seemingly whimsical nature of past posts- I do actually write drafts and mull posts over before posting them. Also- I am kind of irresponsible. I'm getting better. LET ME GROW AS A PERSON!

2) This fresh new comedy blog ("A Discriminating Irreverence") focuses very specifically on comedy. It is on tumblr which seems to be better for posting pictures and videos (something blogger is not good at at ALL).

Right now, it is just a stash of awesome comedy stuffs (pictures, quotes, stand-up, sketches, interviews, and essays). All of it is funny, though. I've been consuming all things funny ever since I was a wee one. You could say my entire life has been building up to this point!

Bookmark it and look through it during your break at work! (or do it while your supposed to be working! I don't care, I won't tell!!!)

*Quick note: some of the stuff posted might be a little NSFW (that means "Not Safe For Work", dad) so be careful.

If you like the blog (or if you like me) send the link to your friends.

"A Discriminating Irreverence" is a collection of seriously funny stuff and I do actually put a lot of work into it.

Cheers

Jenny

Get MOVING

"Revive blog" has been on my to-do list for about a month. Luckily, while I haven't done anything for my blog, I've been working (like a boss) at a thai restaurant.

It is a temporary job, so I'll be back on the internet 24/7 soon (yay?).

Until then...

(baby steps!)

Starting the year off right... a day late!

Happy New Year, everybody!

The Best Underrated Christmas Songs (the songs that aren't being played on repeat in shopping malls...)

Flavorwire posted "11 Criminally Underrated Songs." It is a pretty amazing list (the first two songs on this list come from there). This is my list of awesome songs. It is naturally better.

01) Everything Is One Big Christmas Tree ~ the Magnetic Fields [video]

- Best line: "Stop mumbling and cheer up/Put down the book, pick beer up." It is followed later by "If they don't like you, screw them." I love this song.

02) Pretty Paper ~ Willie Nelson [video]

- Bittersweet Christmas song that will put teardrops in your eyes.

03) Fairytale of New York ~ the Pogues [video]

- This song is amazing. If you need a hopeful bittersweet irish ballad for the holidays- this is your song.

04) Peace On Earth/Little Drummer Boy ~ Jack Black & Jason Segel [video]

- Bing Crosby and David Bowie did this duet originally. The link is to the Jack Black/ Jason Segel version because I love Jason Segel. Viscerally. Also- the beginning is better than the strange banter David Bowie and Bing Crosby had (Jason Segel: "I was just at home, making gingerbread, fretting about war and hatred...")

05) Christmas TV ~ Slow Club [video]

- Happy little hipster Christmas song. Its basically a song about wanting someone to cuddle. If you don't get all verklempt on "you pulled me out of the dark into the light"- the last part is both of them repeatedly asking their love to "just come on home"... to cuddle... for Christmas.

06) Christmas in Hollis ~ Run DMC [video]

- One of my friends said this only made the list because of my recent obsession with Run-DMC's "Tricky." They are not wrong (no apologies!).

07) A Christmas Together [Album] ~ John Denver & the Muppets

- Everything on this album is amazing. This CD might be enjoying a lot more playtime due to the "Muppet Movie" coming out- but it has been a Christmas staple in my house for years. I tend to gravitate to the more solemn songs (The Peace Carol,When the River Meets the Sea, Christmas Eve, 1913, and Christmas Wish) but there are nice festive songs too. *Bonus- Muppets singing "It's In Everyone of Us"

08) Much Worse Things To Believe In ~ Stephen Colbert & Elvis Costello

- It was between this song and "What's So Funny (About Peace, Love, and Understanding). Both have made their way into my Christmas playlist.

09) Winter Song ~ Sara Bareilles & Ingrid Michaelson [video]

-Alright, this might be being played on repeat in some places (I wouldn't know- I refuse to go shopping). Whatever. I like it.

10) Theme from "The Snowman"/ Walking in the Air ~ Howard Blake [video]

- Channels hemorrhage Christmas specials come December and most are just awful insipid tales of banality. This amazing (and beautiful) little short often gets forgotten. Is there a christmas tune more beautiful and haunting? I submit that there is not!

*Spiderman photo at the top is from Ty Templeton's ART LAND! I got it off his "Top 7 Homicidal Santa Comics." My second favorite one is the Iron Man one... (Ho-Ho-Homicide!)

"I am rage personified!"

I should have known. There were 472 reasons that should have prepared me for it. I should have known that an article ("New Crop of Comediennes Combine Funny Bones With Banging Bodies") written by Fox News about female comedians would leave me a sputtering puddle of rage.

As far as female comedians go, people consistently miss the mark. Every year, someone dredges up the archaic "are women funny?" question and people discuss it as if it were a valid question in the first place. It would be easy enough to just write it off as another whimsical attempt of Fox News to act like journalists but the truth is these kinds of articles appear in all sorts of publications. It isn't just Fox News.

Literally, every year, some publication writes some variation on the "are women funny" question. Another gem: "can pretty women be funny?" Or maybe an article that questions whether a female's insecurities hinder her from being great at comedy. Or why aren't there any female Richard Pryors?

This article managed to fuse all of these points together to create some sort of amazing supernova of idiocy which made me feel obligated to say something.

1) "Seth Rogen, Jonah Hill, and Ricky Gervais all lost their jiggles, but kept their giggles."

First off, that rhyme is insipid and awful. Whoever penned it should be stripped of their journalism degree and publicly shamed. I would say that it is nice that she didn't imply that those men became unfunny when they slimmed down (another ridiculous delusion some people have) but she follows it up with "but they're still not what one would call exactly sexy." Jeez. Way to twist the knife.

2) "Some of our favorite "old-skool" sitcom stars like Jennifer Aniston, Jane Krakowski, and Julie Louis-Dreyfus have transformed themselves in recent years from somewhat awkward to stylish sex symbols."

I just want to say, that I didn't mispell "old-skool." That is exactly how the author of the article spelled it. Perhaps I was premature in assuming she had a journalism degree.

Anyway- the above statement is false. Jennifer Aniston was never awkward. None of these ladies were ever awkward. So there was no "transformation" to speak of. They were always gorgeous.

Even if there were some glorious transformation that took place. This article kind of implies that their becoming "stylish sex symbols" somehow affected (read: enhanced) their comedic performance. These ladies have consistently delivered hilarious performances. Aniston had "Friends" and rocked films like "Office Space", "Bruce Almighty", and "Horrible Bosses." Julie Louis-Dreyfus made a name for herself on "Seinfeld" but has continued to deliever on "New Adventures of Old Christine." Even her guest spots on "Curb Your Enthusiasm" and "30 Rock" have been hilarious. Jane Krakowski is still amazing on "30 Rock" but everyone knew she was hilarious back when she was on "Ally McBeal."

All of these careers reach back more than 10 years. Always beautiful. Always funny.

Two. Separate. Thoughts.

3) "For women, frump isn't funny any longer. The new female comedian has to be the sexual aggressor, sexually provocative, dominant and successful."

This gem is a quote from Patrick Wanis. He is simply billed as an entertainment expert.

Women comedians have never really aspired to be frumpy. If there was a generic formula for funny- looking unsexy was never part of it.

It's more that women are consistently portrayed as frumpy. It isn't as if before this "glorious renaissance of female comedy" women aspired to be shrews (or dowdy or insecure or blah blah blah). Those were simply the parts everyone wrote for them.

People are going bananas over Melissa McCarthy right now. Melissa McCarthy is hilarious and has been hilarious ("Gilmore Girls", "Samantha Who","Mike and Molly").

Her success, however, has little to do with what she looks like. The reason she is enjoying the spotlight right now is that someone recognized that she is hilarious and wrote a part for her that showcased her talent.

4) Wanis also says funny women who aren't all that sexy may struggle in the new comedy landscape. "Rosie O'Donnell and Janeane Garofalo will be relegated to playing the female versions of Chris Farley."

Are. You. Serious?

They aren't struggling because they aren't funny. They are struggling because there are "experts" like Wanis who don't write parts for them or don't think they can carry a movie.

The truth is there are many people like Melissa McCarthy just waiting to be discovered.

Also- the idea that O'Donnell and Garafolo will be "relegated to playing the female versions of Chris Farley" is a ridiculous statement.

First off, how dare you, David Wanis. I hope Janeane Garofalo cuts you.

Second- don't make them sound like naive/green comics that just stumbled onto the scene. Garofalo and O'Donnell have been around (working and doing stand-up) for years. Show some respect.

Third, Chris Farley was a leading man in several movies so the comparison is ridiculous. You are just name-calling now.

__

I should have expected that Fox News couldn't possibly write a good analysis on female comedians. But, again, I also want to reiterate that there are a lot of (mainstream!) publications that consider articles like these to be a valid argument.

Women can be funny.

It's just a fact.

Ugh. That was exhausting.

__

*This entry was kind of serious... so here is a funny link to take the edge off.

Is Funny Sexy? (15 second video clip with Tina Fey and Kay Cannon)

What in the hell?

I went on Facebook yesterday and it presented me with a link that said "On this day in 2010." When I clicked on it- it took me the conversation posted below.

What was I doing on this day in 2010?